Looking for the Positives

Positivity and Depression

It’s something we’ve touched on before, the idea that simply being positive will cure depression. It’s something that any sufferer will at some point face. Someone well-meaning will point out all the good things you have going for you in effort to somehow snap you out of the darkness. If it were truly that simple would depression even exist? This is not to say we shouldn’t keep looking for the positives as a way of getting through, but waving them at people like some magic cure isn’t going to work either.

Recently, someone close to me, in an effort to ‘snap me out of it’ during a depressive episode, did try the ‘you’ve got so much to be happy about’ approach. It didn’t work. If anything, it made me feel worse. In my head it translated to ‘you have so much to be happy about, so why aren’t you? You’re so ungrateful.’ All the things they pointed out to me as my reasons to be happy, my relationship, my children, my job, my home; it’s not like I don’t appreciate and am grateful every day for the things I have. I am incredibly thankful for all the wonderful things in my life. But having them all pointed out to me as if I don’t appreciate all these things already hurt a great deal.

I Don’t Go Looking for the Positives

I know what the positives in my life are. I do. A depressive episode doesn’t change that. Yes, it can make it harder to see them, but they’re still there. I know they’re there. Reminding me isn’t going to shift the feelings that depression creates. Because I want to make something very clear; depression is not simply being unhappy. This is something that some people forget. It is an illness. Would you ask someone with a broken leg to be positive to make it better? Of course not!

Positivity does have it’s place with mental health. But it is personal. Other people telling you what to be positive about is not going to help. I don’t go looking for positives. I just take some time each day to remind myself what I see as the positives. And I change them regularly as part of an exercise that my counsellor and I have devised. And right now I’m going through a difficult patch, I’m struggling because my mental health is not at it’s best. But that’s okay. Like with any illness, there are times when we feel a bit worse than others. Right now, I’m not so good. But I’m doing what I can to get me through. I have the tools, I have the support I need and thankfully work are being understanding.

A Little Tip or Two

It’s not due to a lack of looking for the positives that has created this episode. It’s a culmination of things going on in my life, feeding into the illness and amplifying things so I feel like it’s crushing me. This does not mean I am ungrateful or unseeing of the positive aspects in my life, if anything it makes me even more grateful. I see the good things probably even more clearly than you do. To me, they are in technicolor compared with the insidious monster that slithers through my head.

So next time you’re helping someone with depression, rather than sit there and list all the things they have to be happy about. Just talk to them. Let them go looking for the positives themselves. By all means praise something about them that you like, encourage them. But please, PLEASE, don’t go telling a sufferer all the things they should be positive about, because in all honesty it does more harm than good.

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Become a Patron - Don't Let You Limit YourselfDisclaimer: I am not an expert, nor am I medically qualified.  This blog is based on my personal experiences only.  Always seek medical advice in the first instance.

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