When you hit rock bottom
It’s horrible, isn’t it? Throughout your struggle with depression, I’m sure you’ve had your lows. Doubtless you’ve also gone lower than low, hitting rock bottom, as it were, and feeling worse than you’ve ever felt before. It really is horrible.
For me in my journey, the time that I hit rock bottom was in October 2016. On my personal blog Before the Morning, I’d written a post about how I was feeling and I took inspiration from Batman’s Joker. Having not felt up to leaving the flat, I’d not gone out to somewhere I was supposed to go. The part that drove me further down, however, was that no one seemed to notice that I wasn’t there. I had no messages, no calls, nothing. It pushed me down to that rock bottom point and so I wrote about the Joker. Needless to say it was a scary post. One of my friends messaged me not long after I’d posted it because I’d scared her with it.
Hitting rock bottom leaves you feeling like you’ve fallen into a pit and it’s almost impossible to get out. In my case, my coping strategies deteriorated rapidly and I found myself turning to self-harm more and more as a release for what I was feeling. I was getting no enjoyment out of anything, nor was I enthusiastic or motivated for anything and it was as if my life had just ground to a halt.
It’s excruciating, isn’t it? Trapped in that hole, you can’t see a way out and you think it’ll never get better. There is no proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, there is no getting better, there is nothing that you or anyone else can do to fix it. You’re broken. Shattered. Crushed. Defeated.
Do you agree? Perhaps in your walk you’ve already hit rock bottom or perhaps you’ve not reached that stage. If you’re in the latter, I hope you never reach it. It’s not a pleasant place to be at all. In your dark pit, you may be being tortured by your mind. If you’re like me, you’re self-harming or you might be contemplating suicide. Well, let me encourage you that you’re not alone. We are here for you. If you are experiencing thoughts like those then click over to our useful contacts page. There you can find the number for National Suicide Prevention and Samaritans, both of whom will listen and help you as best as they can. Samaritans is a 24/7 helpline, so please don’t hesitate.
Getting yourself into the pit and hitting rock bottom is painful but climbing out again can be even more painful. Freeing yourself from that pit often requires change and change can be uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable.
But it’s possible.
Whether you’re on a good day or on a bad day, soaring high in the heavens or at rock bottom, you will still get through this. It might take years or even decades but one day you will find the right balance to help you cope. You’ll leave rock bottom and start to climb as you begin to manage your symptoms, whether that’s through counselling, medication or simply through time.
Remember: your current situation does not have to be your final destination.
I’m going to say that again: your current situation does not have to be your final destination.
I believe you can make it through. As I said, if you are struggling then message us or the community or go onto our useful links page to get in touch with Samaritans or one of the other charities or agencies out there. Even if you’re at rock bottom, you don’t have to face it alone.
Take care guys. Stay strong. You can do this!
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