Talking Things Through – Part 6 – Apologies

Do you know someone who is always apologising?  Do you frequently tell them that they don’t need to apologise?  Well today I’d like to take a look at apologies.  If you haven’t checked out last week’s post on mindfulness, you can find it here or maybe access the first post in our Talking Things Through series.  Let’s have a look at apologies, shall we?

Apologies

Frequently in my journey, I’ve been guilty of apologising too much.  Well, I say too much…I’ve always felt I’ve got a reason for apologising.  Not everyone sees it that way though.  Still, it seems to be a common trait amongst people with depression, so I’d like to tap into that a little bit and try and explain it.

I blame myself for everythingWhy do I feel the need to apologise?

It’s simple: I blame myself for everything.

Why?  Quite simply, I don’t feel like I’m good enough.  If I’m not good enough then it must be my fault somehow, no matter what it is or who is involved.  It’s logical to me. Does it sound familiar?

 

It’s an easy trap to fall into.  When you have a brain that drags up every mistake you’ve ever made, every time you’ve not been good enough or you’ve simply not been enough, you start to blame yourself for things.  You blame yourself for the big things, you blame yourself for the little things and soon it’s blaming yourself for everything, even when you’re not to blame.

Perhaps you know someone like this.  Perhaps you are someone who apologises a lot. Do you know why?  I’ll tell you some of my reasons below but right now I’m interested in hearing yours.  Please leave a comment (anonymously if you want to) about why you apologise a lot.

“I’m Sorry…”

Where do I begin?  Unwrapping the numerous reasons as to why I’m sorry is difficult because there are so many.  Too many, perhaps.  Maybe you’ll recognise a few of these…

I'm sorry for being me.I’m sorry that I self-harm.  I know that, despite it harming me, it hurts others.  I really wish it didn’t but unfortunately it does.  Also unfortunately, that knowledge won’t stop me from self-harming.  Next week our series about self-harm launches, so do check that out to find out why that knowledge won’t stop me and people like me from self-harming.

I’m sorry I’m weak.  I know mental health isn’t a sign of weakness but on the days where I just can’t motivate myself to do anything or can’t even pick up the phone or get out of bed, I feel weak.  I can’t help it.  Living in a permanent state of exhaustion, it makes everything that much harder.  It’s not my fault, I know that, but that doesn’t stop me from being sorry for it.

I’m sorry I’m unpredictable. Sometimes I’m absolutely fine one moment then down in the depths of a spiral the next. Most of the time there isn’t even a proper explanation for it.  It’s just the way I am.  Whether I snap or get angry or just go quiet, I don’t mean to. It’s my depression setting in.

Lastly, I’m sorry that I put my mask on and keep it all inside.  My mask is a coping mechanism.  If I can convince you that I’m fine, perhaps I can convince myself.  It’s why I hide, why I don’t reach out and why I keep it all inside.  Well, one of the reasons at any rate.

What do you think?

What do you think?  Is it making sense?  Those reasons are a non-exhaustive list, as there are many others that I would give but also many that other people would give.  I hope it gives you a little insight into why people might seem to apologise a lot.

As this series is Talking Things Through, perhaps this week try and talk to someone you know, find out the reasons why they apologise so much.  Helping them through it could be a good start to getting them on the road to recovery.

Next Week

Do you know someone who sometimes disappears off the face of the earth?  Whether unexpectedly or not, people sometimes do just vanish for a bit.  But why?  And what do we do when that happens?  It isn’t always suicidal tendencies that make them do that.  Come back next week to find out why people sometimes feel the need to disappear.

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Become a PatronDisclaimer: I am not an expert, nor am I medically qualified.  This blog is based on my personal experiences only.  Always seek medical advice in the first instance.

Author: Alex Davies

Alex Davies is the creator and writer for Pushing Back the Shadows. Find out more about his journey here and connect with him on Facebook, Google+ and Twitter.

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