Depression, Anxiety and Work

When Work Doesn’t Work

Trying to maintain a job while battling with your mental health isn’t easy.  With two demons living inside your brain, fighting for attention and dragging you down, you have little room for work.  They have no consideration for it.  You need a job?  You have work to do?  Tough, they don’t care.  They just want you to give them attention.

That’s when work doesn’t work anymore.  Before I tap into that, though, let me tell you about the perfect job.

Joblessness

When I left university back in 2013, I had a difficult time finding a job.  It’s one of those pitfalls that a lot of graduates tend to fall into where employers want experienced people, not those fresh out of the classroom.  As such, it makes it extremely challenging for those of us graduating to find employment.  We’re constantly competing against everyone else, trying to shine despite having little to no experience of the jobs we’re going for.

It’s draining.  It’s tough.  It feels impossible.

When I got my first job, I was ecstatic!  It was a chance for me to use my French and to learn a new skill.  Working for a company in Birmingham was convenient, as it was in the vicinity of where I lived and the commute wasn’t too bad.  The job itself seemed good but unfortunately it didn’t last, plunging me into another bout of unemployment.

Then came the cash and carry.  While only part-time, it was a decent stop-gap job for a base upon which to search for new jobs.  Aside from a number of the people there – some of whom I’m still in contact with to this day – it was an awful job but it paid some bills.  I couldn’t complain, really, after being unemployed for so long prior to this job.  Still, I was looking for other jobs.

Then came the job.  Not just any job but the job.

Subscribe today to receive a free chapter from my eBook “Pills and Blades”, a subscriber-exclusive podcast episode and more!

The Job

For most people working stop-gap jobs, you find yourself waiting for your “big break”.  It’s something associated with actors and musicians but I find that it works for almost anyone in a temporary job.  We send out all our applications, our CVs, hoping that we will get a response to the job that we want.  Sounds great, doesn’t it?

You can imagine my joy at being told I had a new job, after going through the lengthy process of applications and interviews.  While it was not something that I had trained for, getting to work for a bank was of a dream come true!  It’s high profile, looks good on a CV and is certainly far better than stacking shelves in the local cash and carry, wouldn’t you say?

Rarely do these things turn out well, however.

So I started the job and quickly became proficient at it.  Telephony customer services, managing customer accounts and doing what they need doingwith their finances.  It was something I enjoyed, interacting with the customers and being able to help them with their queries or problems.  I particularly enjoyed being able to take a complaint and turn it round, resolving the customer’s problem for them and being able to go above and beyond their expectations.

Then my depression and anxiety hit.

Work and Mental Health

Trying to work with mental health issues is not easy.  When your desire to get out of bed completely evaporates, you find it a struggle to get into work.  More often than not, you make it to work and then sit there wondering what you struggled in for.

Every day became a battle against myself.  I fought to get to work, then fought not to try and go home early.  Panic attacks were a regular occurrence as I sat on the bus or waited for the next customer to call through.  Sometimes panic attacks would come in the middle of a call and I’d have to work harder to simply get through that call.

During this time, my depression and anxiety worked hand in hand, interchanging to keep me off balance.  When work was quiet, my thoughts would spiral down into black pits, dragging me further and further down.  When it was busy, my anxiety would peak, driven by my stress levels.  Soon, my manager started telling me to go home, to see the doctor and the other things that managers tell you.

In truth, the support wasn’t great.  Aside from expressing concern for me and sorting out time for me to go to the doctor, my manager did very little to help me.  Occupational health was unavailable, someone speaking on my behalf wasn’t an option and too much absence would not be tolerated.  I found myself being pushed into a deeper, darker place than ever before.  Looking back, it was potentially one of the things that triggered my self-harm as a way of coping.

Job Loss and Moving On

It comes as no surprise that I lost that job.  The surprise might come from being let go for my absence after being told to take the time off sick.  After everything I had done, everything I had put into the company, that hurt but it’s one of those things.  As I mentioned, though: there was not much support.

With those experiences behind me, I firmly believe we need to do more to raise awareness of mental health in the workplace and bring about a better understanding of what people are going through.  Through Pushing Back the Shadows, I aim to do that.  As a result, I have set up a page about doing public speaking, so I can visit companies and events and speak on the subject of mental health.

Do you have similar experiences of mental health in the workplace?  We’d love to hear your stories!  Drop us an email or a message telling us about it.

Why not subscribe?

Subscribe today to receive a free chapter from my eBook “Pills and Blades”, a subscriber-exclusive podcast episode and more!

Become a PatronDisclaimer: I am not an expert, nor am I medically qualified.  This blog is based on my personal experiences only.  Always seek medical advice in the first instance.

Author: Alex Davies

Alex Davies is the creator and writer for Pushing Back the Shadows. Find out more about his journey here and connect with him on Facebook, Google+ and Twitter.

Leave a Reply

4 thoughts on “Depression, Anxiety and Work”

  1. This resonates a lot with me. It’s so difficult keeping a mask on at work, trying to remain professional when inside you’re in bits. I managed to hide my depression and anxiety for a long long time, but it only reared its head more ferociously this year. Now, I’m coming to terms with it, being open with my employer thanks to a life saving line manager. I’d encourage people wherever possible to speak out. I’ve blogged about this a fair bit in recent months.

    1. It really is. I used to work on the phones in a bank call centre and it was so challenging, trying to make my voice sound like I was happy and relatively care-free. Managers can be great, absolutely, though there are a few who aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, like my old manager who waited until I’d been off sick for a few months before letting me go. As I was a temp, I don’t know how legal that was, but it was something that still happened. Ironically, their chosen charity for the year was Mind…

  2. Hey Alex it’s CeeCee speaking.

    I had different experiences related to workmates and bosses. At my first workplace I struggled with panic attacks and burn out. It was horrible for me to work with some of the workmates. It was the first time I did a therapy for 8 weeks in hospital for that time. And after they wanted to keep me… Another experience was complete different.. I did a new training full-time in a school. And it was heavy. We had many tests and projects in just one week. I couldn’t make it. I had a nervous breakdown and was burn out again. And again 8 weeks therapy in hospital. They promised me before I left and told them to stay away for 8 weeks I could come back and go on.. When I joined again.. I found out they lied.. They gave me bad marks in subjects although I was good before I left… And told me I can’t go on…
    Many jobs and employers… They don’t care most of the peoples mental nor physical care… They only care about if you effect performance…its not Easy for both sides… Neither for us with ur issues nor for the other side who needs the company going..and it depends on what work ure doing. But I also think there must be a possibility to support us more in our jobs. Here in Germany many people with disabilities or physical issues got a workplace here often with support. So the same should be with mental health issues. I think companies need more informations, awareness and empathy how to make it possible that people with mental health issues can stay at work.

    1. I agree with you, there does need to be a lot more support in there for people, especially those who are struggling. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with work, it’s not good that people have to go through these things…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.